Well, it's been exactly eleven months since I graduated from Northland [the Enviromental Liberal Arts] College (http://www.northland.edu). Sheesh. It also happens to be the day that two of my friends from school, JW & RP, are stopping in to visit. They're on spring break (yeah, when you're in the great white north, spring doesn't come until April, and that's if you're lucky) and visiting JW's parents, who live in Troy, MO. While in the area, they're making a special trip to STL just to see. . . . . me! Yay!
So last night I was ironing clothes to wear for work today, & thinking that I should be sure to get up a bit earlier than usual & make sure that my apartment is presentable and that, whatever I decide to wear, it would still look presentable at 3:30 in the afternoon (remember, I have to be at work at 6am). I was in the middle of debating . . . I hate to admit it . . . how much "stuff" to put on my hair when it occurred to me: JW & RP lived down the hall from me for a year. They've seen me sick, muddy, depressed, ticked off, intoxicated, and -- worst of all -- right after I wake up. They are friends from the days of ripped jeans, snow pants (which are NEVER flattering), waders, ponytails, flip-flops, and even . . . my pleather plants. We would sit around the dorm lounge in our sweats and pajamas while we tried to study in between fits of laughter. The last time they saw me was in May '04, and I can't help but think of how things have changed in less than a year.
To start with a positive, I've lost almost ten pounds -- go me! I have my own apartment, I pay my own bills, and I have a real "grown up" job. I'm no longer taking classes that require me to get dirty or sit hunched over a microscope for hours, so I dress differently. Instead of jeans and a t-shirt, I now spend most of my days in the "business casual" look. The number of skirts in my wardrobe has increased by 300% -- and I actually wear them. More days than not, I wear heels . . . and pantyhose -- blech. I have a makeup bag -- complete with big, pouffy brushes and more than two colors of lipstick. I'm wearing my glasses more often -- mainly because I stare at the computer screen for hours on end. I've been trying to have a social life, heck, I've even been on a few dates! I no longer sleep through an entire Saturday -- JW was amazed at how I could wake up, eat brunch, go back to bed, wake up, eat dinner, and go back to bed until Sunday morning. Come to think of it, I rarely sleep past 9am when, less than a year ago, I tried to avoid classes that started before 9.
Sheesh. Just reading that list makes me tired.
The whole point of this is that I'm excited to see JW & RP, and at the same time I'm almost nervous about what they'll think about the "post-graduation" me. Heck, sometimes I'm not sure what I think about it. I'll take waders and sunscreen over heels and makeup most days, but I like being able to dress up and go out on the town. I'm trying to piece together the different aspects of my personality to form a picture that I'm happy with, and so far I like the view.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Other ways to say "disconnected"
Background: While doing my undergraduate work at Northland College in Ashland, WI (http://www.northland.edu/), I had the pleasure of working for the Alumni Phonathon Team -- first as a caller, then as a Supervisor. Yes, these are the people who call you after you have graduated and ask for donations to your alma mater. Please be kind to them, it's not an easy job. In fact, my co-supervisor April & I had trouble keeping callers from year-to-year, but we had a few "lifers" in our ranks. Andre was one of them.
Recipe for an average call night: Start with a pinch of nice people who give you money. Toss in a sprinkling of "I'll think about it" folks, a peck of "No's" peppered with the occasional "They died" and smothered with wrong or disconnected numbers. Such is the life of a Phonathoner -- disconnected & wrong numbers come with the territory, and are recorded on the data sheet so that some poor schmuck can try to locate these "missing" alumni.
For some reason, Andre seemed to get more than his fair share of disconnects, and apparently got tired of simply writing "Disconnected" on the data sheets, so he came up with more . . . creative ways of expressing the situation. Some are funnier than others, but all are bona fide Andre:
Recipe for an average call night: Start with a pinch of nice people who give you money. Toss in a sprinkling of "I'll think about it" folks, a peck of "No's" peppered with the occasional "They died" and smothered with wrong or disconnected numbers. Such is the life of a Phonathoner -- disconnected & wrong numbers come with the territory, and are recorded on the data sheet so that some poor schmuck can try to locate these "missing" alumni.
For some reason, Andre seemed to get more than his fair share of disconnects, and apparently got tired of simply writing "Disconnected" on the data sheets, so he came up with more . . . creative ways of expressing the situation. Some are funnier than others, but all are bona fide Andre:
Contrary to popular belief, a blonde rue is actually butter and sautee'd flour -- disconnected.
Goldenrod chrysanthemums in Asia open in the cool morning mist not to suffice the gentle honeybee's thirst, but to welcome the glistening morning dew.. no longer lives here.
The merenbooty girls of the secretive Dfuego tribe deep in the jungles of Southeastern culmierno, Cuba religiously abstain from phone use. But in the U.S. we use telephones, and when the number doesn't work, we Americans say it is DISCONNECTED.
The rabbit looked into the mouth of the red fox and said "I am hungry." This number is DISCONNECTED.
As long as staples exists there will always be doughnuts, just as this number is DISCONNECTED.
On the Saronghetti Plains of Dahoma, Africa, the Mfikwe people say "Anandalale" to refer to phone numbers, like this one, that have been DISCONNECTED.
As the great Boll Weevil gives thanks to the humble cotton plant, this number is DISCONNECTED.
The majestic Killer Whale longs to feast on the supple flesh of a baby lamb, just as the human ear wishes to feast on the static tones of the phone operator when the number is DISCONNECTED.
The Lowly Maggot lives not for the glaring eyes of the red robin, but for the tender kiss of the rotting flesh. This number is DISCONNECTED.
An Asian Woman by the name of Mac Lal Nhong lives her, she says This is the wrong number.
The Locust said to the gorilla, "Ah, you fly in many circles, my friend" DISCONNECTED.
In space, deer can't eat grass. It causes their brains to become DISCONNECTED.
The Mombfasu tribe of Eastern New Guinea Considers on Ebola infected male to be "infutus", which means DISCONNECTED in the states.
If you dip apple slices in lemon juice, they won't turn brown. If you dip a disconnected phone in lemon juice, then, like this number it's DISCONNECTED.
Famous Dave makes BBQ sauce so good it'll make you slap yo mamma!! DISCONNECTED.
As the east winds howl to the moon forlornly. I too howl in sadness. For this number is DISCONNECTED.
The boy looked at his father and said "Father, What is the way of the world?" The father said, "Shutup boy, this number is DISCONNECTED."
The Upanishad people of Chad, Africa habitually roast the housepets of villagers without phone lines. If this was Chad, the same would be said for this family because this number is DISCONNECTED.
Beer is 13 times more radioactive than the water released from the cooling tanks at nuclear power plants. That's why this number is DISCONNECTED.
Alison no longer lives here, this is a WRONG NUMBER. However, the gentleman who picked up the phone didn't tell me this until AFTER he hit on me several times.
In many Nordic cultures, the elk is seen as a sacred animal. However, in America, we shoot Elk and cease to call numbers that are DISCONNECTED.
Take her off the lists. (Break it down) Taker her off the lists (What?What?)
Well, I do say, as sure as the Queen of England has the image of two ponies stamped on her bum, this is the WRONG NUMBER, and neither of these people live here!
The sun rises in the East and sets in the West, but the wise owl flies North for his home is deserted, as is the other end of this phone line, for this number is DISCONNECTED.
The Rashpetlikt people of Burkina Faso do the tribal Choumat'ongo dance everytime a telephone contact is cut in the West, as this one was, since the number is DISCONNECTED.
When the fates are in unison, babies don't cry at night, dogs don't bark while you sleep, and phone lines always pick up. Unfortunately, the fates are not in unison, and this phone number is DISCONNECTED.
As the mighty flame yearns for a log on which to burn, this caller too, yearns for a voice on the other end of the line to speak with, but alas, this number is DISCONNECTED.
The Flying Orchid sect of Guangchov, China. Uses focused Chi-Fuswahp acupuncture for discipline on the telephone. Without this discipline, their members numbers would be disconnected.
In Frankfurt, Germany, the secretive organization Sprechen zie Glotsfausen worship their nation's telephone calls out of the country -- especially when the numbers are DISCONNECTED, like this one.
The delicate aroma of the wild forest orchid lingers in the air, just as the lost voices of yesteryear linger in the void that is time, for this number is DISCONNECTED.
As the mockingbird rests on the mighty oak branches and the pomegranate is kissed by the morning dew, this number is DISCONNECTED.
For a Natural Resources Major, he has a way with words, and I wish him the best!
Balance
Though I'm not sure who this story is originally from, it's a keeper -- enjoy!
The importance of balancing the different aspects of your life:
Toward the end of his career, a well-renowned professor of Brazilian literature & history decides to take a sabbatical & travel to the Amazon Basin.
Knowing nothing of the Amazon, the professor hires a guide from the one of the local Indian tribes. He says, "Indian, I will pay you to take me down the Amazon river and show me its wonders."
As is his nature, the Indian shrugs humbly & says "Yes, señor, whatever you say."
As they are floating down the river, the professor reflects on his life and all the scientific achievements that he has witnessed in his time. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what wonders I have seen in my life. Do you know that we have put a man on the moon & brought him home safely?"
The Indian looks at the professor with amazement, looks up at the sky & says, "The moon, señor? A man has been to the moon? This I did not know. I can tell you what plants to eat to cure a fever, how to make a salve to sooth burnt skin, and which leaves can ease a woman’s labor pains, but I know nothing of men traveling to the moon."
The professor scoffs and says, "To live one’s days without knowing of the greatest human achievements, without knowing the wonders of science and technology, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"
The Indian shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."
Farther down the river, the professor reflects on the research he has done and the literature he has published. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what wonderful novels I have read in my life. Do you know of Don Quixote, the touchstone of Spanish literature?"
The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, I know nothing of this literature. I can tell you the history of my people and share with you stories passed down from my ancestors, but I know nothing of reading and writing."
The professor scoffs again and says, "To live your entire life without experiencing the wonders of the literary world, to know nothing of the greatest literary achievements, why, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"
The Indian only shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."
Even farther down the Amazon, the professor is contemplating his work on the history of Brazil. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what a marvelous county Brazil is! Do you know of the rich history and culture of this country?"
The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, I know nothing of the history of Brazil. I can tell you the history of the Amazon, for that is my home, but I know nothing of what is outside this jungle."
The professor scoffs again and says, "To not know the history and culture of one’s own country, to not know of the other cultures that comprise your mother country, why, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"
The Indian only shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."
As the river approaches the sea, a storm blows in, and the waves grow higher and more powerful. As the rain pours down, one giant wave tips the boat over, throwing the professor and the Indian into the river. Clinging to the overturned boat, the professor yells, "Indian, what will we do? How will we get back to the shore?"
The Indian looks at the professor and says, "Tell me, Señor, do you know how to swim?"
The professor shakes his head and says, "I have spent my whole life in books. I can tell you of culture, history, literature, and science, but I never had reason to learn to swim!"
The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, you know many things that I do not; but to come to the Amazon and not know how to swim, why then, you have lost all of your life," and swims away.
The importance of balancing the different aspects of your life:
Toward the end of his career, a well-renowned professor of Brazilian literature & history decides to take a sabbatical & travel to the Amazon Basin.
Knowing nothing of the Amazon, the professor hires a guide from the one of the local Indian tribes. He says, "Indian, I will pay you to take me down the Amazon river and show me its wonders."
As is his nature, the Indian shrugs humbly & says "Yes, señor, whatever you say."
As they are floating down the river, the professor reflects on his life and all the scientific achievements that he has witnessed in his time. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what wonders I have seen in my life. Do you know that we have put a man on the moon & brought him home safely?"
The Indian looks at the professor with amazement, looks up at the sky & says, "The moon, señor? A man has been to the moon? This I did not know. I can tell you what plants to eat to cure a fever, how to make a salve to sooth burnt skin, and which leaves can ease a woman’s labor pains, but I know nothing of men traveling to the moon."
The professor scoffs and says, "To live one’s days without knowing of the greatest human achievements, without knowing the wonders of science and technology, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"
The Indian shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."
Farther down the river, the professor reflects on the research he has done and the literature he has published. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what wonderful novels I have read in my life. Do you know of Don Quixote, the touchstone of Spanish literature?"
The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, I know nothing of this literature. I can tell you the history of my people and share with you stories passed down from my ancestors, but I know nothing of reading and writing."
The professor scoffs again and says, "To live your entire life without experiencing the wonders of the literary world, to know nothing of the greatest literary achievements, why, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"
The Indian only shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."
Even farther down the Amazon, the professor is contemplating his work on the history of Brazil. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what a marvelous county Brazil is! Do you know of the rich history and culture of this country?"
The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, I know nothing of the history of Brazil. I can tell you the history of the Amazon, for that is my home, but I know nothing of what is outside this jungle."
The professor scoffs again and says, "To not know the history and culture of one’s own country, to not know of the other cultures that comprise your mother country, why, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"
The Indian only shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."
As the river approaches the sea, a storm blows in, and the waves grow higher and more powerful. As the rain pours down, one giant wave tips the boat over, throwing the professor and the Indian into the river. Clinging to the overturned boat, the professor yells, "Indian, what will we do? How will we get back to the shore?"
The Indian looks at the professor and says, "Tell me, Señor, do you know how to swim?"
The professor shakes his head and says, "I have spent my whole life in books. I can tell you of culture, history, literature, and science, but I never had reason to learn to swim!"
The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, you know many things that I do not; but to come to the Amazon and not know how to swim, why then, you have lost all of your life," and swims away.
Collective Hunch
Okay, so maybe you're wondering what's up with the title of my blog. I had an English teacher in 11th grade -- Gail Egleston, one heck of a lady, she actually had my MOM as a student back in the day -- who, during some random conversation, said "Reality is a collective hunch . . . think about it." So I did, and I have, and I still am, and it's really a mind trip if you think about it. It's one of those philosophical things that doesn't really have an answer that can be proven, but I'm going to dissect it using movie-logic. Don't laugh, just try to follow me here --
The movie "The Village" (http://movies.about.com/od/thevillage/) by M Night Shyamalan (WARNING: I'm about to give away the surprise ending.) features a group of people who moved out of the city to live 1890s-style in the middle of nowhere. They raised their children in this lifestyle so, to the kids, it was 1890-whatever, and things like cars & planes & computers & Starbuck's didn't exist. Their "collective hunch" about what time period they were living in shaped their reality.
Okay, so the idea works with an isolated population when an idea is instilled at birth, but what if we were to take a group of adults and, a la "The Forgotten" (http://movies.about.com/od/theforgotten/, again, I'm going to give away the plot) you created this gigantic ruse to convince them that an idea or belief that they've had all their life is WRONG? I mean, we're talking a seriously well-planned ruse, with everyone around them reinforcing an idea contradictory to their own. Would it work? It's pretty much a given that it would require more time to get you test subjects to "un-learn" their ideas, but would they actually accept the new scenario you're providing, and make it their own reality?
I guess this gets us into wondering whose reality we're talking about. I mean, the only reality changing would be that of the participants, not of the observers; so if you give people a blue box, but everyone around them says it's red, and they eventually agree & believe that it's red -- the box itself hasn't changed, but in the reality of your test subject, it is red, because that is their collective hunch.
But what would happen if you ask the test subjects what color the box used to be? Would they say "it's always been red," or would they tell you that it was blue, but then it changed . . . AND if that was their answer, could they explain what caused the color change?
I know, I know -- I'm just trying to compete with R for the "Nerdiest Post Ever" award. How am I doing?
The movie "The Village" (http://movies.about.com/od/thevillage/) by M Night Shyamalan (WARNING: I'm about to give away the surprise ending.) features a group of people who moved out of the city to live 1890s-style in the middle of nowhere. They raised their children in this lifestyle so, to the kids, it was 1890-whatever, and things like cars & planes & computers & Starbuck's didn't exist. Their "collective hunch" about what time period they were living in shaped their reality.
Okay, so the idea works with an isolated population when an idea is instilled at birth, but what if we were to take a group of adults and, a la "The Forgotten" (http://movies.about.com/od/theforgotten/, again, I'm going to give away the plot) you created this gigantic ruse to convince them that an idea or belief that they've had all their life is WRONG? I mean, we're talking a seriously well-planned ruse, with everyone around them reinforcing an idea contradictory to their own. Would it work? It's pretty much a given that it would require more time to get you test subjects to "un-learn" their ideas, but would they actually accept the new scenario you're providing, and make it their own reality?
I guess this gets us into wondering whose reality we're talking about. I mean, the only reality changing would be that of the participants, not of the observers; so if you give people a blue box, but everyone around them says it's red, and they eventually agree & believe that it's red -- the box itself hasn't changed, but in the reality of your test subject, it is red, because that is their collective hunch.
But what would happen if you ask the test subjects what color the box used to be? Would they say "it's always been red," or would they tell you that it was blue, but then it changed . . . AND if that was their answer, could they explain what caused the color change?
I know, I know -- I'm just trying to compete with R for the "Nerdiest Post Ever" award. How am I doing?
Chocolate Math
Okay, one of my coworkers sent me this, & I thought it was cool:
It takes less than a minute ....
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would ! like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755 .... If
you haven't, add 1754.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number .
The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week). The next two numbers are . . .
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
So, I tried this using 5 and 7 as starting numbers, and it worked out both times. The email also said that 2005 was the only year that this would work, but I'm not sure why. Any thoughts?
It takes less than a minute ....
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would ! like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755 .... If
you haven't, add 1754.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number .
The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week). The next two numbers are . . .
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
So, I tried this using 5 and 7 as starting numbers, and it worked out both times. The email also said that 2005 was the only year that this would work, but I'm not sure why. Any thoughts?
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