Happy Holidays!

Hahahah, there, I said it!

Maybe it's because I'm older, but it seems that this whole "Happy Holidays vs. Mery Christmas" thing has gotten worse this year. I mean, hello, there were zealots waiting in the wings to SUE folks for saying "Happy Holidays." Good grief, Charlie Brown, what's the world coming to?

A few of my thoughts:
-I say "Happy Holidays" because it covers me from Thanksgiving until New Year's, & it's shorter than saying or writing "Merry Christmas & Happy New Year."
-The word "holiday" comes from Old/Middle English for "Holy Day" -- what more do you want?
-I'm not Christian. I'm not Jewish or Muslim, either, and I have friends of all faiths, so HH covers all circumstances, except for my athiest/agnostic friends, who don't mind, because they know . . .
-It's the point of wishing someone well that matters! Whatever you say, it's the sentiment behind the words that we should be focusing on!
-While the religious right has you focusing on "keeping the Christ in Christmas" (which you kind of have to do, or all you have is "mas"), you're not being outraged over CIA leaks, US soldiers dying in Iraq, gasoline prices, etc.

Things you may or may not know about other Winter Holidays:
-Hanukkah began at sundown on Christmas Day. I think this is a great coincidence. I looked up the History of Hanukkah, because all I was familiar with was the lighting of the menorah -- did you know that "in Hebrew, the word "Hanukkah" means 'dedication,' [and] the holiday commemorates the rededication of the holy Temple in Jerusalem after the Jews' 165 B.C.E. victory over the Hellenist Syrians." Hmmmm, that sounds familiar -- wasn't there another guy, like 165-ish years later, that had some issues with the way a temple was being used . . . what was his name again? Oh, right, it was JESUS! I love it when similarities like this are brought to light.

-Kwanzaa begins today, December 26th. Kwanzaa was established in the U.S. in 1966, and is "an African American and Pan-African holiday which celebrates family, community and culture," although the Seven Principles of Kwanzaa could help us all. They include: Unity, Self-Determination, Collective Work & Responsibility, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity, and Faith.

-January 10th begins the Muslim celebration Eid-al-Adha or Feast of Sacrifice, which commemorates Abraham's "willingness to obey God by sacrificing his son." Now, where did I hear that story again? Oh right, I heard it in the Old Testament -- did you know it's also in the Koran? In the Koran, Abraham's son is Ishmael, not Isaac, and he becomes the "forefather of the Arabs," but isn't the message of piety & sacrifice the same?

Okay, I'm done with my rant. I hope you've found some of it educational, at least.

Happy Holidays to All!

Well That Was Easier Than I Thought . . .

Okay, so when I wrote my last post, I was in a less-than-cheerful mood, heartbroke, blah blah blah. After some in-depth soul-delving, I came to a very important realization: this doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. You see, I was never in love with J. He wasn't in love with me, so it all worked out -- I didn't expect our relationship to last, I just didn't expect it to end the way it did. Hence the crying-sobbing-ness that occurred Friday night/Saturday morning. By Sunday, I was all good. I updated my Match.com profile, got a few hits, and I'm back in the "being single" groove.

Mega weird-ness: The very first hit I got on my updated Match profile was from a guy I went to high school with; apparently he recognized my photo right away. We went out Wednesday, caught up on what we'd each been up to, & had an absolute blast! Y'all know I can always use a new friend to hang out with . . . especially one who doesn't let me do all of the talking!

Anyway, it's now 11:30 pm the night before Xmas eve -- tomorrow is the big holiday shebang with my mom's & stepdad's families -- all together, in one place -- yipe! So I have to be awake & at mom's ready to be cheerful & helpful at 11am. That's not so much an issue, I just have to keep up my wonderful-cheerful-positive attitude until like 9pm, so I'll be all about the caffeine. Off to bed I go, happy holidays to you all!

. . . and to all a good night!

New Relationship Record: 6.5 Months & Done

Well, at least I surpassed my famous 3-month rule, right?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, although not ready to put myself back on the market, I am single again.

Tiffany's big three "IF" statements:
IF I had asked how his last relationship (of like four years) ended, I would have known that it was because he moved from the East Coast to STL. That's all, no fights, it was amicable & they stayed friends.

IF I had asked how he felt about the aforementioned g/f, I would have figured out that, although he never expected to see her again, he still had feelings for her.

IF I had known that, I wouldn't have gotten as involved as I did. Trying to win someone's heart when they've already given it away is a lost cause.

Wish I'd known beforehand, because . . .

The aforementioned g/f is being transferred to STL for work. Go figure. Guess who loses out on this one? Survey says . . . me! Being the remarkably mature person I am, I told him that was "someone up there pointing you in a direction that you need to go, and since you obviously have stronger feelings for her than you do for me, that's what you should do."

Way to take the high road, Tiff, but that's not going to make it hurt any less.

Then I told him he was going to have to leave, because I didn't want him to see me cry. Which I did. Not a lot, I guess, but a lot for me. I don't cry often, it's one of those not-necessarily-healthy rules I have, see:
(1) Never let "them" see you cry (not sure who "them" is, but still...)
(2) Don't get too close to people, especially romantically, because it will hurt when they leave.

There are others, yes, but those are the two big depressing ones. For the otherwise-wonderfully-cheerful-optimist that I am, those are suprising to you, aren't they?

So I called my best friend B, who's in the USAF in NC (wow, lots of abbreviations there). He said, "Well, Tiff, I'll be home in two weeks and can track him down and inflict bodily harm..." I said no thanks, not needed, just tell me you love me & that you owe me a hug. B says, "done."

AwesomeStepdad called while I was on the phone with B, to ask a question about what to get Mom for Xmas, he says "so how are you?" & I said, "well, J broke up with me, so I could be better, but I'll be okay." He says sorry to hear that, we chat a bit, then hang up.

So then I text two of my guy friends to say something like "Who needs a boyfriend?" to MC(who assures me that he doesn't, but calls to check on me nonetheless & promises a night out for coffee & pie), & "Your gender sucks, and not in a good way" to JJK (who calls & says "well hey, yeah we had Hitler, but we had Gandhi, too"). While I'm on the phone with JJK friend, mom calls & says "open your door, some friends came to visit."

???

So I do, and on my doormat are sitting three large stuffed characters from Finding Nemo -- large & plushy. I think, "thanks mom," but this morning I find out it was actually AwesomeStepdad who got them & dropped them off. I guess between B, MC, JJK, my Little Bro, & AwesomeStepdad, the male gender doesn't suck.

The moral of the story, if there is one, is that Tiff ends up with a broken heart that will eventually heal, and realizes that even though one individual doesn't love me, I have many, many more that do.

Ode to Those Who Would Change the World

Something you may or may not know about me: before I got my "grown-up" job at the hospital, I applied to work with AmeriCorps St. Louis, one of the leading AmeriCorps programs in the country. I went on a week-long "Quest" journey in the middle of nowhere, to get to know the people who would be my coworkers and decide if this was really for me. Upon our return, and after much soul-searching, I decided that I was not at a point in my life where I was ready to commit to such a high level of service. I don't regret my decision, because I know that it was right for me.

Last night, I was lucky enough to be invited to a party with some of the AmeriCorps St. Louis members -- folks I haven't seen in 16 months -- so I went, if only to say hi to a few & find out what they've been up to.

First off, I am apparently not as forgettable as I thought I was -- although a few folks took a minute to reconcile my new haircut & smaller self, all of a sudden their faces lit up & they're like, "oh my god, how have you been?!?!?" Let me tell you about a few of these awesome folks & the work they've been doing.

A & JJ have been in the St. Louis public schools, tutoring the younger kids and/or mentoring the older ones. They haven't changed much, JJ still plays piano for his church & has become the music minister, he wants to go back to school when his period of Service is done, but he's not sure for what. A describes himself as "burnt-out" on the school system, but knows he's making a difference. He doesn't want to go into education full-time when he's done with the Corps, and will probably go to Mizzou to further his education, but he's not sure in what. Both of these guys were on my original "Quest" team, and it's good to see they still have the "change the world spark," even if it's tough to keep alive sometimes.

JW, AZ, S and others on the Emergency Response Team have spent most of their time in the Gulf Coast -- they've been rotating teams down there since 9/5, living out of tents for the first eight weeks. These folks have been responsible for everything from operating call centers to coordinating volunteers & donations, outreach, assessment, and reconnaissance to identify relief problems. To hear S talk about WHY he does what he does, click here. None of these guys have lost the "spark" -- I saw it in them 16 months ago, and I saw it still last night. In talking to them, I can tell they've seen things the rest of us can only imagine -- AZ quoted someone as saying that "what you see on TV [about the areas hit by Katrina] is like looking at the whole thing through a straw." He told me stories of showing new volunteers around the area, then sitting back & watching them take it all in, often not talking for hours after the tour. I heard discussion of the efforts to rebuild the areas, how the major contract is held by Halliburton - big suprise - and speculation that the New Orleans we see rise in the coming days will have a different look than the one washed away - both economically and racially. S & his friend J mentioned that the areas that people are pouring money into are coming back, but the 9th Ward still doesn't have people in it. JW is still his wonderful self, working in the AmeriCorps office to keep things running, and holding onto the great attitude he had when he pulled me out of knee-deep mud three times.

Ladies & gentlemen, none of these folks would ask you for any recognition; in fact, you could look at them on the street & not know the sacrifices they've made to do what so many of us are afraid or unable to do. S is going back to the Gulf Coast for the Christmas Holiday, JVW missed Thanksgiving with his family in WI to stay with those who have so little to be thankful for. A & JJ go into the public schools every day to do their part to make a difference. I couldn't make the commitment they have, but I do what I can to make the world a better place. This is an ode to those folks who will change the world, because for every dollar contributed, and every willing volunteer that wants to help, someone has to coordinate how best to put them to work, and these folks do it every day.

More importantly to me, none of these people judged me for taking a different path. JW introduced me to someone by saying "she started with the rest of us, and then she got a better job, we haven't seen her in over a year." AZ walked me to my truck last night & told me that I should pop in more often, ending the conversation by saying "once a part of the family, always a part of the family." I can't think of an extended family that I'd rather be part of, and I'm proud to be included with such an incredible group of folks.

SUCCESS!

I did it -- 30 pounds in 25 weeks, averaging 1-2 lbs/week -- yay me! I even managed to LOSE weight over Thanksgiving! Bought some new clothes -- jeans, SIZE TEN, and a size 12 pantsuit that actually fits my chest!

That leaves about 14lbs to my goal weight -- whoo hoo!

That's all I really wanted to share, happy holidays to all!

Random Stuff

Okay, here are some random things I have to share with you:

After almost 6 months on the Jenny Craig program, I am down Twenty-nine pounds! My plan is to hit 30 by Christmas, which will be a piece of (low-fat) cake & to be at my goal weight by my birthday in mid-March -- both are completely attainable.

I enrolled & registered for my first two 8-week sessions of classes for my MBA at Missouri Baptist University. I will be taking Managerial Accounting from January - March, & Financial Management from March - April. Tuition reimbursement forms have been turned in for work, so I'll eventually get some of the money back.

I have no clue what to get my little bro for Christmas. He already has most of the cool t-shirts from Northern Sun, maybe I'll try T-Shirt Hell. He's so freaking hard to shop for, I spend more time finding "the perfect gift" for him each year than I do on anyone else.

Today's story on how "little" details can change an entire story & a caution about making judgements without all the facts:
Apparently, yesterday my favorite morning radio show, Cornbread on WIL 92.3 got a call or email from an extremely unhappy parent wanting to share their story. "Parent" writes that their middle school child was in the lunchroom reading her Bible, when the Principal came over & said "you can't read that here" & ushered "child" to a semi-detention area "where she could read." This caused a lot of Anti-Principal ruckus with people talking about First-Amendment infringement & taking the separation of religion & state thing too far, "child" is being persecuted for her religious beliefs, etc. People called the school, complained on the radio, DJ said how it was unfair, blah blah blah.
This morning, another parent whose child attends the same school writes in to set the record straight. Apparently, students aren't allowed to have pencils, papers, or books OF ANY KIND in the lunchroom. Suddenly this goes from religious persecution by "the establishment" to a kid breaking the rules. Hmmmmm..... Parent2 goes on to add that Principal is wonderful & does a great job, & that the school board had already met & decided to allow kids to bring ONE book into the lunchroom. Problem solved, Principal was enforcing standard rules, and everyone else ends up with egg on their face. Props to the DJ for apologizing & then asking folks to please have all the facts before calling him with a story like this. When you're that noticeable, it's not easy to admit you goofed.

Okay, that's the end of the story, and the end of this post. I'm off to work, have a great day!

Happy Turkey Day!

Okay, to make up for the sad elephant news, I am going to share with you a list of things for which I am thankful this holiday season. It's not comprehensive, I'm quite sure I'll forget a thing or two, but I think it's important to write it down -- try it!

Top Ten Things I am Thankful For (in no particular order):
- My wonderful family
- My awesome friends
- The fact that I have a job that I like, with people who are (for the most part) fun to work with, that pays the bills!
- My sweet "pretty birds" Chitter & Pod
- All other animals I'm lucky enough to share my life with
- My health, which has improved thanks to. . .
- The support of my family & friends in my weight-loss endeavors
- The great folks I'm lucky enough to work with at the Zoo
- The country I live in -- it's not perfect, and I'd prefer a leader who didn't look like a monkey*, but I have faith that we can all work together to make it what it's supposed to be
- My boyfriend (in a non-sappy way, thank you)


*My sincerest apologies to all monkeys, I meant no offense, but you know it's true.

Sad News

Our baby elephant died in utero. As far as I know, Mom Elephant is okay. This is a sucky, unfair, sad end to a 22-month wait. The complete story can be found here. The dedication & compassion shown by the Elephant Keepers is another example of why we're one of the top zoos in the world. Please send good thoughts to the keepers & the remaining two pregnant elephants.

Zoo Babies!

While those of us here in Saint Louis await the arrival of the first of THREE baby Asian elephants to be born between now & Fall of 2008 (be patient, it takes a long time to make a baby elephant -- twenty-two months!), I thought I'd share with you San Diego's Panda Cam, where you can catch a glimpse of their adorable baby panda, Su Lin.

More info to come when the first baby elephant (a girl!) arrives - which should be sometime this week!

Yay Spongebob!

Thought you would enjoy this pic of the Halloween costume John & I constructed for him this season:

It was a great hit at his friends' Halloween party!

I've been holding out on you . . .

I know, I know -- I've been absent, missing, elsewhere, distant -- things have been very busy, but I still love you. So, I present to you, a string of updates on various aspects of my life . . . and after that, a revelation I've been hiding.

Jenny Craig Update: 25 lbs as of my last meeting, more than halfway to my goal -- here's a picture of the new, smaller me:


Work Update: Work has been busy. I was in charge of organizing the first "Customer Service Appreciation Day" for my office staff, that went very well! Then, I was asked to assist with the display boards for "Maintenance Appreciation Week" -- everyone has said how awesome they look, pat on the back for me! 10/25 makes my one-year anniversary in my current position, and I really can't believe it's been a year already. My boss has suggested that I start looking for advancement opportunities within the company, but most if not all of the positions want someone with a business degree, which I don't have. Which brings me to . . .

School Update: I'm selling my soul for an MBA. Well, not really my soul, and in fact the hospital will pay $3,000 a year in tuition reimbursement, so it's a pretty sweet deal. I get a Master's degree, some "on-paper" business experience, and a chance for advancement where I am. Even better, since I'm not planning on staying here forever & I still plan on pursuing my PhD in Biology, I could then go to an organization like the Saint Louis Zoo & say "look, I have degrees that say I can manage animals, people, and money . . . hire me!"

Those are the current events, and now the promised revelation:
I've been seeing someone. That's right, I have . . . a boyfriend. We've been dating for 5 months which, for reference, is the longest relationship I've ever been in. He is, as my mother describes him, "smart, funny, and only slightly cocky," which is good, because it means that he can hold his own with me. Grandma says if he wasn't a little cocky, I'd eat him alive. He refers to my birds as "feathered noisemakers," but he still whistles at them because he knows they like it. He puts up with my sense of humor, and he has a puppy! That's all I'm going to share right now, but if you're lucky, more may follow.

Math is Fun!

Check this out. One of the guys @ work figured out how it works, can you?

Paint Your Pumpkin

Apparently, every year my company has an inter-departmental pumpkin carving/decorating contest. One of the Supervisors said "hey, you're creative, you should do that for our department." Since no one else would have done it, I said "sure!" & proceeded to paint the pumpkin with skeletons in maintenance uniforms performing various tasks. I now present to you my entry for the Facilities Engineering department:

Much More Important Than Me

Please take a moment to celebrate the life of Rosa Parks, who passed away last night.

I find it slightly funny (but not "haha" funny) that the obituary has to remind people that Jim Crow laws were in place -- it's a dark spot on our history that we should never forget, but it's refreshing to know there are people in the U.S. who've never felt their direct effects.

If I could have just a tiny fraction of the impact she had on the world, I would be content.

Week 15 -- Halfway There!

Well, I had my Jenny Craig meeting yesterday, & I've passed another milestone -- I have officially crossed my halfway point. No, scratch that -- I didn't just cross it, I broke through like a Mack truck going through a picket fence. Another 3lbs gone puts me JUST under 156 -- officially where I was when I went into college. It occurred to me that, in 6 more pounds, my driver's license will be telling the truth for the first time in . . . well . . . ever!

I literally had to pin the waist of my skirt today, to keep it from falling off my hips. None of my dress pants fit -- even the new ones I bought just a few weeks ago are kind of loose.

I have to buy new shoes for winter -- I put on my trusty black pumps this morning and promptly stepped right out of them.

My checking account is going to be screaming by the time this is over, but that's okay.

I'm more than halfway back to being ME!

Yay Me!

Well, I had my Jenny Craig meeting yesterday, and after 14 weeks -- and for four of those I was sick, & pretty much let myself eat anything I wanted -- I have officially passed two milestones:
(1) I passed the 20lb mark. I have lost 20.4 pounds.
(2) I crossed the 160 threshold -- I am 1.8lbs away from my halfway point, and right about where I was when I went into my sophomore year of college.

Whoo hoo!

Read This Article

So, I've been thinking lately about the attacks made on the president & how "George Bush doesn't care about black people," (according to rapper Kayne West), and I'm not sure that's the case. I don't think the problem is that Bush doesn't like black people -- I mean, he has Colin & Condoleezza, right? My personal opinion, take it for what it's worth, is that perhaps he doesn't like poor people. I say "perhaps," because I'm not completely sure that he even SEES them to begin with, and it is difficult to have an opinion on something you don't even recognize.

So, I encourage you to read the article The Other America, from msnbc.com. It makes a lot of good points, and includes the following immortal quotes:

From GWB's momma, Mrs. Barbara Bush: "So many of the people in the arenas here, you know, were underprivileged anyway. So this is working very well for them." Umm, yeah, like being crowded into a hot dark hellhole with 10,000 other people would work well for ANYONE. I mean heck, the Audubon Zoo didn't even cram their animals into "safe" rooms during the hurricane -- and the animals apparently fared better than some of the folks in the Superdome. Sure, Mrs. B, I'm sure it's working well for them, I mean, it's not like they're human beings or anything.

The best quotes of all, however, come from Illinois Senator Barack Obama (& to quote my friend Jonathan, "I will quit my job to work on that man's presidential campaign" when it happens), and read:

"I hope we realize that the people of New Orleans weren't just abandoned during the hurricane," Sen. Barack Obama said last week on the floor of the Senate. "They were abandoned long ago—to murder and mayhem in the streets, to substandard schools, to dilapidated housing, to inadequate health care, to a pervasive sense of hopelessness."

and even better,

Obama, the only African-American in the U.S. Senate, says "the ineptitude was colorblind." But he argues that while—contrary to rapper Kanye West's attack on Bush—there was no "active malice," the federal response to Katrina represented "a continuation of passive indifference" on the part of the government. It reflected an unthinking assumption that every American "has the capacity to load up their family in an SUV, fill it up with $100 worth of gasoline, stick some bottled water in the trunk and use a credit card to check into a hotel on safe ground." When they did focus on race in the aftermath, many Louisianans let their fears take over. Lines at gun stores in Baton Rouge, La., snaked out the door. Obama stops short of calling this a sign of racism. For some, he says, it's a product of "sober concern" after the violence in the city; for others, it's closer to "racial stereotyping."

So, again, read the article The Other America, from msnbc.com. No matter what your socioeconomic status, it's eye-opening; but if you've never had to think or worry about your status, it's even more important.

GRE News

First, let me apologize for being incommunicado, I've been fighting a nasty stomach virus for the past month, but it's almost gone.

I took my GRE (Graduate Record Exam) Saturday -- three little letters that will impact the next 5-7 years of my life, as I attempt to get into a PhD program in Biology.

Since the test was computer-based, I got my verbal & quantitative scores right there. Keeping in mind that (1) the minimum requirements for admission to, say, Washington U here in STL are 400 on each section (scale of 200-800) and (2) the average scores for folks intending to do graduate work in Life Sciences are 464 verbal & 568 quantitative, I got....

drumroll please...

610 verbal, 710 quantitative.

1320 total -- I'm not unhappy about this.

In addition, the first section of the Analytical Writing part required me to choose one of two topics to write an intelligent mini-essay about. I signed a form saying that I wouldn't tell you what the topic was, but I can tell you that it was directly related to my undergraduate degree. Major ego boost! I'm pretty sure that I rocked on both parts of that section (Thank you, Mehlville HS English Department!)

That's all -- just wanted to share.

I Had to, You See . . .

I couldn't help it -- I had to. Didn't have a choice. It was inevitable, really.

I had to buy some new clothes.

Not much -- two blouses, and a belt.

A belt, people -- because my pants are too big for me. Losing six inches in the waist does that, you see.

Two new blouses, because I wanted them -- but more importantly, I got them at Target. I haven't been able to buy cute blouses at Target in I-don't-know-how-long.

I have Jenny Craig-ed my way out of the "plus-size" stores.

Yesterday, I found out that I have crossed the 160 lb mark -- somewhere I haven't been since my sophomore year in college.

Not only that, I'm 19.6 lbs lighter than when I started -- that's right, by next week, I expect to hit the 20lb mark.

YAY!

Argh!

Okay, so I just got an email through my Zoo Job -- one of the other Seasonal Instructors sending a copy of the now-infamous "let's all not buy gas for one day" message. Perhaps it's because I'm sick, but I really feel the need to be extra-irritable over this. For some nifty statistics on the gasoline situation in the US, see Robert's posting "I've Got Gas".

Here are my big issues with receiving this email:

(1) I figure that less than half the people who say they're going to avoid the pumps on 9/10 will actually do it.
(2) All the people who DO avoid the pumps will inevitably end up filling their tanks, probably the day before or the day after -- won't these "surges" counteract the "drop" you're hoping to create? Heck, if I worked for a gigantic oil magnate, I'd raise the price a few cents before & after the so-called "stick-it-to-'em" date {and what the hell kind of name is that?} and make a freakin' profit off all those people.
(3) Given, I've only taken two measly economics courses, but I'm thinking that in a situation of CONSTANT demand (in the long run, people NEED gasoline, even if they're not buying it right this minute), no one is going to "choke" on their supply volume.

Therefore, I'd like to offer my own suggestions for combating the recent rise at the pumps. None are really large-scale, fight Big Brother, Conspiracy Theory-esque, but feel free to avail yourself of any or all.

Tiffany's Ideas to Combat Rising Gasoline Prices:
(1) Walk.
(2) If it's too far to walk, ride a bike.
(3) Too far to bike? Take public transportation.
(4) Not available? Try carpooling.
(5) Have to drive by yourself? Trade in your freaking' gas guzzler and buy something more efficient (and by "more" efficient, I mean that it gets A MINIMUM of 23 miles to the gallon, because my Ranger can get 25).
(6) Fill your tanks in the evening.
(7) Drive with the windows down instead of using the AC.
(8) Write your legislators to push for funding for alternative fuels.

I think I shall patent that list. Everyone will pay me royalties when they walk. If I charge 10 cents per usage, it'll still be cheaper than 10% ethanol, right?

A New Ass

Perhaps it's only funny because I was reading it at 6:30 this morning, but I received the following email note from my boss at the zoo:

"Also interesting, we are getting a new male ass for the females. He is coming from Germany, but is in New York now and is on his way here. So, that's cool!"

The animal she's referring to is a Somali Wild Ass, now famous for being the animal that the lovable Shrek character Donkey was modeled after. We've had a male for some time (a little goofy, likes to run around his yard with a bucket on his head), then got in three fillies but, alas, they are too closely related to the male to be housed together. Hence, the new ass for the girls. Ha ha ha.

Just thought I'd share.

Because I love you.

Way to Go, Connecticut

I just felt the urge to share with you this yahoo article about Connecticut filing suit against GWB's No Child Left Behind Act.

My thoughts on the NCLB Act (please read with as much sarcasm as possible):

~Yay, more bubble-filling! Today's kids DEFINITELY need to improve their bubble-filling skills.

~Whoo hoo, yearly testing! Because, you see, if you graph the results from yearly testing, they will be DRASTICALLY different from testing done every two years.

~I am SO in favor of requiring all this stuff without actually providing a means to fund it!

Here's an article that showed up in STLtoday.com today. But then again, why do we care what the TEACHERS think of this act, right? Not like they really have anything to do with education anyway.

I can only hope that the state of Missouri (which I love) follows Connecticut's lead. Do I see it happening? Not anytime soon with him in the governor's seat. He actually had me fooled when he vowed to restructure school funding in his State of the State address -- until he mentioned that he was going to give schools more money by taking that AWAY from early education programs & adoption subsidies. GREAT IDEA, really!

Okay, I'm done.

Thanks for listening.

Wedding Pictures!

Some photos of the wedding I went to last weekend:

All eight alumni (and one alumni-to-be) that made it to the wedding -- That's me in the center

Site of the ceremony

Bride & Groom cutting the cake

Who's That Girl?

(((yawn)))

So I spent all day yesterday in the car -- we left Ladysmith, WI (site of the wedding)& drove 4.5 hours to Pewaukee, WI (site of my truck, which I left at friend Maria's house), then I drove home to Saint Louis. Whoo hoo!

Top 2 funny things from the wedding:

The bride, groom, & groom's mom didn't recognize me. Apparently, the looked at Maria & I & thought, "well, there's Maria, I wonder who that is she brought, and where's Tiffa-oh-my-god-she-cut-her-hair!" My new haircut got rave reviews!

Friend Ethan's quote, "Kids are too expensive to own." amen!

Week 8 Update!

Okay, after eight weeks on the Jenny Craig program, I'm 16lbs lighter -- no significant weight loss this last week, BUT it was measuring time again -- in the last month, I've lost 10 inches, for a total of 16 inches in 8 weeks -- whoo hoo! I'm down a clothing size -- had to go buy some new clothes (joy!) and am totally psyched about seeing college friends at a wedding this weekend!

May I Have the Dictionary, Please?

My interest in historical stuff got the best of me this morning, when I found this article on yahoo. It's pretty nifty information; however, about halfway through the story I encountered this:

The monastery, which is in the desert west of the Red Sea, was founded by disciples of St. Anthony, a hermit who died in A.D. 356 and is regarded as the father of Christian monasticism. A colony of hermits settled around him and he led them in a community.

Okay, if you don't yet see my point, read that last sentence again: "A colony of hermits settled around him and he led them in a community."

Just to make sure I wasn't going OCD over nothing, I double checked the definition of "hermit" and found these definitions.

Please tell me that you understand now why I went crosseyed reading that. A hermit is, by definition, a person who lives in voluntary seclusion. Doesn't having a colony/community de-hermetize them?

Just wondering . . .

Hey all - thought you might enjoy this photo of me & my reptilian friend -- that's 350 lbs of pure Aldabra tortoise, baby!

Week 6.5 Update!

Okay, it's been a little busy recently -- my folks are out of town, so I've been pet-sitting for them, trying to keep up with all the critters (3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 snakes, 2 lizards, a turtle & a fish), and wasn't able to make my usual Tuesday meeting at Jenny Craig, but I made it in yesterday.

Due to the wacky schedule I've been keeping as of late, I have strayed from my meal plan -- although I've tried to balance my splurges by downsizing other meals and upsizing my activity level, but I was still worried & decided to cross my fingers for a 1 pound loss. So I stepped on the scale . . .

. . . and I couldn't believe it. 5.4 pounds! My consultant was amazed -- so was I! Whoo hoo! 16.8 pounds total, and I'm about 6 pounds from my halfway mark -- YAY!

As a reward, I'm taking myself out next weekend to buy a new outfit (aleady had to buy new bras) to wear when I go to Wisconsin for a friend's wedding. I can see it now: "Hi there, haven't seen you in over a year, yeah, I cut my hair off & dropped almost 20 pounds, how have you been?" Whoo hoo!

Me, last time anyone from school saw me!

Antidotes for Boredom

While browsing the blog-world this afternoon, waiting ever-so-impatiently for 4:00 to come, I found the following interesting sites. Enjoy!

What Dog Breed Are You? found on Nerd Werd

More disturbing was this, found on Quality Crash Tests.

Curse You J. K. Rowling!!! (okay, not really)

I got my copy of HP And The Half-Blood Prince last Sunday (7/17) and because I knew that once I started I'd be unable to turn back, used every last ounce of willpower to leave it closed until this Saturday. Good thing, too, because I read the whole darn thing, cover to cover.

Oh the betrayal! The anguish! How could [that one character] kill [that other character]? Or, was it just a cleverly planned & unavoidable-albeit-tragic-self-sacrifice?

Please, PLEASE JK Rowling, (and here I'm going to share what an utter HP fanatic I am), "accio laptop" and get typing! I need that last book!

On that note, check out this awesome website, Mugglenet.com, created & maintained by one of the few lucky enough to actually get an INTERVIEW with JK.

The Patriarchy Strikes Again

Okay -- it's Saturday, I'm at work, and just about NOTHING is happening. In an attempt to stay up-to-date on current events (even if they do mention him), I browse around msnbc.com, where I noticed the exciting headline "Weight gain in girls blamed on drop in exercise".

No kidding, really?

But here's what really got me: in a age where women and girls are sharing tips on how to maintain an anorexic or bulemic lifestyle (especially without your parents knowing, because they might actually CARE about your health!), this article ticks me off.

I know the authors, publishers, et al. mean well, but come on, people -- what about weight gain in boys? You can't tell me that all of the 9 million young people in the United States who are considered overweight are female -- that's not even probable!

This ticks me off, and I felt the need to share.

Anyone reading some of my previous posts will know that I've recently started to make some healthy changes in my life -- more exercise, better eating habits -- so it's not like I'm suggesting that obesity isn't a problem -- but please, people, couldn't we have broadened the study in question to include youngsters with Y chromosomes?

While I'm on that, a new article suggests that "U.S. children [are] healthier than ever, report finds" -- and here's a line they use to support that: "'The overwhelming majority of children — about 83 percent — are reported by their parents to be in very good or excellent health,' Dr. Edward Sondik, Director of the National Center for Health Statistics, told a teleconference with reporters.

Well duh! How many parents have we seen that are in denial over their child's health problem? Anybody else remember the "My 2-year old weighs 70 pounds but I let him eat anything he wants" parents from various daytime talk shows? Even if you don't, I assure you, they were there -- and their children were obese.

Thumbs-down for scientific studies that rely on qualitative surveys.

However, there is hope. Check out "this article" about how Nickelodeon & Viacom Consumer Products are joining the quest to help kids eat better. Heck, we use TV characters to promote food that's not-so-good for us, it had ought to work the other way, right?

Thumbs up for Nickelodeon!

Week 5 Update!

I had my weekly check-in with my Jenny Craig consultant, and in the last week I've lost . . . drumroll please . . . 2.4 pounds! Whoo hoo! That means not only have I surpassed the 10-pound-loss mark (11.4 to be exact), but I am also BELOW 170 for the first time in a year! I had to share!

I Got Tagged

Dammit -- thanks to J, I have been officially tagged with a meme. I am elated, because it gives me something to do (other than work) while I am at work on this lovely Saturday morning at seven-freakin-ten in the morning. Here I go . . .

The Meme: What ten events would you care to witness if you could travel in time and observe them.

In no particular order, I present to you my choices...

10. The creation of the universe, however it happened
9. The beginning of life, again, however it happened
8. The Gettysburg address
7. MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech
6. The event that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs
5. The building of "the heads" at Easter Island
4. The building & subsequent rhinoplasty of the Sphinx
3. The last performance of all four Beatles
2. The 2nd Continental Congress & subsequent signing of the Declaration of Independence
1. Gandhi's civil disobedience campaign against the British in India

Yep, I think that's it. Let me know what you think!

Week 4 Update!

Okay, after four weeks on the Jenny Craig program, I'm down 9 lbs. (last week I was off work & didn't stick with my plan, so no loss -- but no gain either!) I've also lost a little over 6 inches -- 2 from my chest (YAY!), 2 from my waist, and another 2-ish from my hips & abdomen. My clothes fit better and/or are starting to get loose -- my JC consultant said pretty soon, I'd be brainstorming ways to shrink all my clothes! This week, I'm refocusing on sticking to my planned menu & hitting the gym at least 3 times, plus I have a zoo overnight -- which means an evening of hiking around the park! More updates to come.....

Week Three Update!

Well, after three weeks on the Jenny Craig program, I have lost . . . drumroll please . . . 9 pounds! Yay! This is my first victory on my journey to better health, because it is my 5% mark! It turns out that losing just 5% of your body weight can lower your risk of all kinds of health problems, including diabetes & heart disease. Check out this article on webmd.com for more info. Yes, ladies & gentlemen, I am 0.2 pounds away from breaking the 170lb mark, which I expect to do next week! I feel better, I have more energy, and my clothes fit better -- whoo hoo!

Just thought I'd let you know -- more updates to follow!

Major Life Changes!!!

Okay, so for the last year I've kinda been muddling around, trying to figure out how to best acheive my personal & career goals. I've recently committed to some major changes that I beleive will help me get wherever it is that I'm going. Check it out:

*I've been going to the YMCA 2-3 times a week -- whoo hoo!

*Inspired by various people, including J, I joined Jenny Craig 2 weeks ago, and have dropped 7.2 pounds -- don't worry, it's more for health reasons than anything else (no "I want to be an anorexic supermodel" issues here, no sir!)

*I've decided to take a year off from school, get stuff in order, take my GRE, do some volunteering in the labs of some Biology Faculty at Saint Louis University , and apply to their PhD Program for Fall 2006

*Yesterday I got a haircut -- I went in & said "the perm, the color, it was me, it's not me anymore, cut it off!" So my hair is very short -- last time it was this short, I hadn't hit puberty yet & looked kinda like a boy, ask R, he probably remembers -- it's cute, I like it, and have heard nothing but good things about it.

*Planning for grad school means looking for ways to cut costs, so I'm planning on moving this January, someplace less expensive than what I'm paying now, but no leads yet.

The best part is, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've been pondering all of these things for weeks now, and I finally sat down and made decisions -- and I feel GREAT about all of them!

Stay tuned for updates!

So, I totally stole this from J, who stole it from someone else, but:



Go figure. Anybody else see THAT coming?

Ligers and Tigons and Bears, Oh My!

I was listening to this article on msnbc.com about the increased numbers of hybrid animals being bred for commercial use, either as pets or for the production of goods such as wool or beef. Throughout history, humans have selectively bred animals and plants to achieve desired results -- all you have to do is look at the AKC Breed List to see what I mean. We do the same things with birds, like cockatiels, and fish, like bettas. In these instances, animals of the same species are bred to produce offspring with the desired appearance or temperament. Keeping these good traits within a gene pool; however, is like trying to keep money within a family: the best way (as European Royalty has demonstrated [see paragraph eight here]) is to marry close relatives. Offspring of related animals that carry desired traits are more likely to inherit those traits (Thank you, Darwin!) The problem arises, however, in the fact that inbreeding has a tendency to magnify negative traits, as well. Hemophilia was often called the "royal disease" because of its prevalence in the European royalty. Do a little research on the Hapsburg Dynasty and you can dig up stories of mental instability that many people attribute to inbreeding. Animals that are selectively bred with close relatives can develop a host of problems, too. Some examples: Dalmatians are prone to deafness, English Bulldogs to enlarged hearts, Dachshunds have (obviously) back problems, and German Shepherds often exhibit hip displaysia.

These problems arise when we try to selectively breed members of the same species -- what the heck are we inviting by artificially hybridizing animals? Okay -- the "wholphin" is one thing, because the only human intervention there was to put two closely related species in the same tank. But come on, people -- ligers and tigons? Those are PURELY the result of human intervention, because these two species would almost NEVER encounter each other in the wild. Add to this the fact that, by artificially hybridizing animals, we increase the probability of sterile offspring (look at the mule) or, and this is what worries me, animals born with terminal physical or mental problems.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I'm not trying to be anti-science or anti-research -- I'm just pointing out that, historically, new species tend to arise through LONG periods of slight mutations -- even bacteria take a few generations to evolve. Hybridizing animals because someone wants a "domestic" kitty with cheetah spots, or because we want a source of meat that's leaner than a cow but better tempered than a buffalo seems terribly self-serving to me.

On a lighter note -- I was thinking about this:
if male lion + female tiger = liger
and male tiger + female lion = tigon
and male zebra + female horse = zorse
then, does a male horse + a female zebra = a hebra?
And if so, does it have to wear a yarmulke?

Excitement at the Zoo!

I'm so excited about the new exhibit opening at the Saint Louis Zoo! For years, the gorillas have had both an outdoor and an indoor yard, while the chimpanzees and orangutans have had only indoor yards. Well, hold onto your horses people -- Friday, May 13th, was the grand opening of the Fragile Forest exhibit, in which all three of these great apes will have outdoor access! The STLToday article gives a great account of the chimpanzees' first adventures into their new habitat. If you ever get the chance, I encourage everyone to visit the World Famous Saint Louis Zoo and check out all we have to offer!

Animals Always!

Monday, oh Monday

I am not a big fan of Mondays. I wouldn't say that I hate them -- hate is a very strong word that should be reserved for bad movies and certain members of the GOP. I simply dislike Mondays.

One of the main reasons for this is the structure of my job. Monday is the day when folks return to work to find that things do not stop breaking simply because they are off enjoying a weekend. It's a game of "catch-up" for the maintenance department, and is something I've gotten used to in the past six months since I started . . . but that doesn't mean I like it.

Another issue with Mondays is the obvious shock back to the real world. It's like the cartoon law that allows you to walk off a cliff and remain suspended in midair as long as you don't look down -- when my alarm clock goes off at 4am, I always look down, and quickly find myself plummeting back to earth.

Why Blog?

Welcome to my world -- at least, my 6am - 2:30 pm world. The maintenance department call center at a gigantic hospital (6.5 million square feet, thank you very much) or, to be more PC, the "Support Service Center for Facilities Engineering." I'm on my first (and hopefully only) bottle of Mountain Dew, because it's a slow morning. I guess you could say I'm a stress junkie -- I like having a lot of things that require my attention at once. . . is it so bad to ask for a minor emergency now and then? But NOOOOOO, not this morning, just your everyday "I need a lightbulb, that toilet's clogged, I'm stuck in the elevator" calls. Okay, no one's been stuck in an elevator yet today. But there's nothing to do -- the team in the call center, or "SSC" is wonderfully efficient: paperwork gets done, work orders get closed out, go team, go! It's a great system; however, it occasionally leaves me with nothing to do but the daily crossword. I have other friends with their own blogs, including my good buddy Robert (robohood.blogspot.com), and his long-time girlfriend Jess (jessicapatties.blogspot.com/), so I figured what the heck, I'd exercise my brain a bit, get a few of the random thoughts out of my head, and maybe entertain a few people with my sometimes sitcom-esque life. Enjoy!

Customer Service

There is a reason that certain people work certain shifts. Case in point:

I got to work & was sorry that I'd left my waders at home. The hallway to my office -- MY hallway -- could have accommodated a small school of fish. The ceiling tiles above had suddenly become rainclouds, and I had to slog through an inch of water to get to my office. I quickly paged the 3rd shift mechanics and waited for a response . . . and waited . . . started my computer up . . . plugged my headset in . . . checked my email . . . and then the phone rang! I rushed to explain the sudden appearance of a lake in my hallway, only to be told "yeah, we know, we're working on it. Bye."

Hmmm....

Okay, so I call housekeeping to request a wetvac for cleanup, only to be told that all the "extractors" (read: wetvac) are a floor above me, cleaning up after a flood in the Cardiac Diagnostic Lab (CDL).

Hmmm....

The next call I got was from housekeeping, wanting to know what's going on with the flood from the fountain. I say, "good question, let me find out & call you back."

Hmmm....

Long story short: Housekeeping asked us to drain the large fountain on the main level, so they could clean it. Standard procedure, we turn a wrench, water goes out, they clean, we turn the wrench the other way, water goes in, no problem, no flood. Unfortunately something didn't go as planned -- depending on which department you ask, either (a) housekeeping added too much water, or (b) maintenance missed a cracked seal in the fountain. Either way, water has rushed through the main level floor, into the CDL, through the CDL floor, all the way down into my hallway.

Hmmm....

I manage to explain this whole thing in a paragraph, and yet it was at least an hour before I had the complete story, which I told to at least a dozen people who called for information. By adding the prefix "pro" to the word "active" we obtain a term that DOES NOT describe the actions taken regarding this minor flood. Rather than taking a few minutes to make a few phone calls, the mechanics left me the responsibility of finding out what happened and disseminating the information. Nice.

I remain convinced that there is a specific reason people work the 3rd shift, and it isn't to take advantage of their pro-active customer service skills. Grrr.

Reflection

Well, it's been exactly eleven months since I graduated from Northland [the Enviromental Liberal Arts] College (http://www.northland.edu). Sheesh. It also happens to be the day that two of my friends from school, JW & RP, are stopping in to visit. They're on spring break (yeah, when you're in the great white north, spring doesn't come until April, and that's if you're lucky) and visiting JW's parents, who live in Troy, MO. While in the area, they're making a special trip to STL just to see. . . . . me! Yay!

So last night I was ironing clothes to wear for work today, & thinking that I should be sure to get up a bit earlier than usual & make sure that my apartment is presentable and that, whatever I decide to wear, it would still look presentable at 3:30 in the afternoon (remember, I have to be at work at 6am). I was in the middle of debating . . . I hate to admit it . . . how much "stuff" to put on my hair when it occurred to me: JW & RP lived down the hall from me for a year. They've seen me sick, muddy, depressed, ticked off, intoxicated, and -- worst of all -- right after I wake up. They are friends from the days of ripped jeans, snow pants (which are NEVER flattering), waders, ponytails, flip-flops, and even . . . my pleather plants. We would sit around the dorm lounge in our sweats and pajamas while we tried to study in between fits of laughter. The last time they saw me was in May '04, and I can't help but think of how things have changed in less than a year.

To start with a positive, I've lost almost ten pounds -- go me! I have my own apartment, I pay my own bills, and I have a real "grown up" job. I'm no longer taking classes that require me to get dirty or sit hunched over a microscope for hours, so I dress differently. Instead of jeans and a t-shirt, I now spend most of my days in the "business casual" look. The number of skirts in my wardrobe has increased by 300% -- and I actually wear them. More days than not, I wear heels . . . and pantyhose -- blech. I have a makeup bag -- complete with big, pouffy brushes and more than two colors of lipstick. I'm wearing my glasses more often -- mainly because I stare at the computer screen for hours on end. I've been trying to have a social life, heck, I've even been on a few dates! I no longer sleep through an entire Saturday -- JW was amazed at how I could wake up, eat brunch, go back to bed, wake up, eat dinner, and go back to bed until Sunday morning. Come to think of it, I rarely sleep past 9am when, less than a year ago, I tried to avoid classes that started before 9.

Sheesh. Just reading that list makes me tired.

The whole point of this is that I'm excited to see JW & RP, and at the same time I'm almost nervous about what they'll think about the "post-graduation" me. Heck, sometimes I'm not sure what I think about it. I'll take waders and sunscreen over heels and makeup most days, but I like being able to dress up and go out on the town. I'm trying to piece together the different aspects of my personality to form a picture that I'm happy with, and so far I like the view.

Other ways to say "disconnected"

Background: While doing my undergraduate work at Northland College in Ashland, WI (http://www.northland.edu/), I had the pleasure of working for the Alumni Phonathon Team -- first as a caller, then as a Supervisor. Yes, these are the people who call you after you have graduated and ask for donations to your alma mater. Please be kind to them, it's not an easy job. In fact, my co-supervisor April & I had trouble keeping callers from year-to-year, but we had a few "lifers" in our ranks. Andre was one of them.

Recipe for an average call night: Start with a pinch of nice people who give you money. Toss in a sprinkling of "I'll think about it" folks, a peck of "No's" peppered with the occasional "They died" and smothered with wrong or disconnected numbers. Such is the life of a Phonathoner -- disconnected & wrong numbers come with the territory, and are recorded on the data sheet so that some poor schmuck can try to locate these "missing" alumni.

For some reason, Andre seemed to get more than his fair share of disconnects, and apparently got tired of simply writing "Disconnected" on the data sheets, so he came up with more . . . creative ways of expressing the situation. Some are funnier than others, but all are bona fide Andre:

Contrary to popular belief, a blonde rue is actually butter and sautee'd flour -- disconnected.

Goldenrod chrysanthemums in Asia open in the cool morning mist not to suffice the gentle honeybee's thirst, but to welcome the glistening morning dew.. no longer lives here.

The merenbooty girls of the secretive Dfuego tribe deep in the jungles of Southeastern culmierno, Cuba religiously abstain from phone use. But in the U.S. we use telephones, and when the number doesn't work, we Americans say it is DISCONNECTED.

The rabbit looked into the mouth of the red fox and said "I am hungry." This number is DISCONNECTED.

As long as staples exists there will always be doughnuts, just as this number is DISCONNECTED.
On the Saronghetti Plains of Dahoma, Africa, the Mfikwe people say "Anandalale" to refer to phone numbers, like this one, that have been DISCONNECTED.

As the great Boll Weevil gives thanks to the humble cotton plant, this number is DISCONNECTED.

The majestic Killer Whale longs to feast on the supple flesh of a baby lamb, just as the human ear wishes to feast on the static tones of the phone operator when the number is DISCONNECTED.

The Lowly Maggot lives not for the glaring eyes of the red robin, but for the tender kiss of the rotting flesh. This number is DISCONNECTED.

An Asian Woman by the name of Mac Lal Nhong lives her, she says This is the wrong number.

The Locust said to the gorilla, "Ah, you fly in many circles, my friend" DISCONNECTED.

In space, deer can't eat grass. It causes their brains to become DISCONNECTED.

The Mombfasu tribe of Eastern New Guinea Considers on Ebola infected male to be "infutus", which means DISCONNECTED in the states.

If you dip apple slices in lemon juice, they won't turn brown. If you dip a disconnected phone in lemon juice, then, like this number it's DISCONNECTED.

Famous Dave makes BBQ sauce so good it'll make you slap yo mamma!! DISCONNECTED.

As the east winds howl to the moon forlornly. I too howl in sadness. For this number is DISCONNECTED.

The boy looked at his father and said "Father, What is the way of the world?" The father said, "Shutup boy, this number is DISCONNECTED."

The Upanishad people of Chad, Africa habitually roast the housepets of villagers without phone lines. If this was Chad, the same would be said for this family because this number is DISCONNECTED.

Beer is 13 times more radioactive than the water released from the cooling tanks at nuclear power plants. That's why this number is DISCONNECTED.

Alison no longer lives here, this is a WRONG NUMBER. However, the gentleman who picked up the phone didn't tell me this until AFTER he hit on me several times.

In many Nordic cultures, the elk is seen as a sacred animal. However, in America, we shoot Elk and cease to call numbers that are DISCONNECTED.

Take her off the lists. (Break it down) Taker her off the lists (What?What?)

Well, I do say, as sure as the Queen of England has the image of two ponies stamped on her bum, this is the WRONG NUMBER, and neither of these people live here!

The sun rises in the East and sets in the West, but the wise owl flies North for his home is deserted, as is the other end of this phone line, for this number is DISCONNECTED.

The Rashpetlikt people of Burkina Faso do the tribal Choumat'ongo dance everytime a telephone contact is cut in the West, as this one was, since the number is DISCONNECTED.

When the fates are in unison, babies don't cry at night, dogs don't bark while you sleep, and phone lines always pick up. Unfortunately, the fates are not in unison, and this phone number is DISCONNECTED.

As the mighty flame yearns for a log on which to burn, this caller too, yearns for a voice on the other end of the line to speak with, but alas, this number is DISCONNECTED.

The Flying Orchid sect of Guangchov, China. Uses focused Chi-Fuswahp acupuncture for discipline on the telephone. Without this discipline, their members numbers would be disconnected.

In Frankfurt, Germany, the secretive organization Sprechen zie Glotsfausen worship their nation's telephone calls out of the country -- especially when the numbers are DISCONNECTED, like this one.

The delicate aroma of the wild forest orchid lingers in the air, just as the lost voices of yesteryear linger in the void that is time, for this number is DISCONNECTED.

As the mockingbird rests on the mighty oak branches and the pomegranate is kissed by the morning dew, this number is DISCONNECTED.

For a Natural Resources Major, he has a way with words, and I wish him the best!

Balance

Though I'm not sure who this story is originally from, it's a keeper -- enjoy!

The importance of balancing the different aspects of your life:

Toward the end of his career, a well-renowned professor of Brazilian literature & history decides to take a sabbatical & travel to the Amazon Basin.

Knowing nothing of the Amazon, the professor hires a guide from the one of the local Indian tribes. He says, "Indian, I will pay you to take me down the Amazon river and show me its wonders."

As is his nature, the Indian shrugs humbly & says "Yes, señor, whatever you say."

As they are floating down the river, the professor reflects on his life and all the scientific achievements that he has witnessed in his time. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what wonders I have seen in my life. Do you know that we have put a man on the moon & brought him home safely?"

The Indian looks at the professor with amazement, looks up at the sky & says, "The moon, señor? A man has been to the moon? This I did not know. I can tell you what plants to eat to cure a fever, how to make a salve to sooth burnt skin, and which leaves can ease a woman’s labor pains, but I know nothing of men traveling to the moon."

The professor scoffs and says, "To live one’s days without knowing of the greatest human achievements, without knowing the wonders of science and technology, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"

The Indian shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."

Farther down the river, the professor reflects on the research he has done and the literature he has published. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what wonderful novels I have read in my life. Do you know of Don Quixote, the touchstone of Spanish literature?"

The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, I know nothing of this literature. I can tell you the history of my people and share with you stories passed down from my ancestors, but I know nothing of reading and writing."

The professor scoffs again and says, "To live your entire life without experiencing the wonders of the literary world, to know nothing of the greatest literary achievements, why, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"

The Indian only shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."

Even farther down the Amazon, the professor is contemplating his work on the history of Brazil. He looks at the Indian and says, "Indian, what a marvelous county Brazil is! Do you know of the rich history and culture of this country?"

The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, I know nothing of the history of Brazil. I can tell you the history of the Amazon, for that is my home, but I know nothing of what is outside this jungle."

The professor scoffs again and says, "To not know the history and culture of one’s own country, to not know of the other cultures that comprise your mother country, why, it is like you have lost one-third of your life!"

The Indian only shrugs and says, "Yes, señor, whatever you say."

As the river approaches the sea, a storm blows in, and the waves grow higher and more powerful. As the rain pours down, one giant wave tips the boat over, throwing the professor and the Indian into the river. Clinging to the overturned boat, the professor yells, "Indian, what will we do? How will we get back to the shore?"

The Indian looks at the professor and says, "Tell me, Señor, do you know how to swim?"

The professor shakes his head and says, "I have spent my whole life in books. I can tell you of culture, history, literature, and science, but I never had reason to learn to swim!"

The Indian looks at the professor for a moment and replies, "Señor, you know many things that I do not; but to come to the Amazon and not know how to swim, why then, you have lost all of your life," and swims away.

Collective Hunch

Okay, so maybe you're wondering what's up with the title of my blog. I had an English teacher in 11th grade -- Gail Egleston, one heck of a lady, she actually had my MOM as a student back in the day -- who, during some random conversation, said "Reality is a collective hunch . . . think about it." So I did, and I have, and I still am, and it's really a mind trip if you think about it. It's one of those philosophical things that doesn't really have an answer that can be proven, but I'm going to dissect it using movie-logic. Don't laugh, just try to follow me here --

The movie "The Village" (http://movies.about.com/od/thevillage/) by M Night Shyamalan (WARNING: I'm about to give away the surprise ending.) features a group of people who moved out of the city to live 1890s-style in the middle of nowhere. They raised their children in this lifestyle so, to the kids, it was 1890-whatever, and things like cars & planes & computers & Starbuck's didn't exist. Their "collective hunch" about what time period they were living in shaped their reality.

Okay, so the idea works with an isolated population when an idea is instilled at birth, but what if we were to take a group of adults and, a la "The Forgotten" (http://movies.about.com/od/theforgotten/, again, I'm going to give away the plot) you created this gigantic ruse to convince them that an idea or belief that they've had all their life is WRONG? I mean, we're talking a seriously well-planned ruse, with everyone around them reinforcing an idea contradictory to their own. Would it work? It's pretty much a given that it would require more time to get you test subjects to "un-learn" their ideas, but would they actually accept the new scenario you're providing, and make it their own reality?

I guess this gets us into wondering whose reality we're talking about. I mean, the only reality changing would be that of the participants, not of the observers; so if you give people a blue box, but everyone around them says it's red, and they eventually agree & believe that it's red -- the box itself hasn't changed, but in the reality of your test subject, it is red, because that is their collective hunch.

But what would happen if you ask the test subjects what color the box used to be? Would they say "it's always been red," or would they tell you that it was blue, but then it changed . . . AND if that was their answer, could they explain what caused the color change?

I know, I know -- I'm just trying to compete with R for the "Nerdiest Post Ever" award. How am I doing?

Chocolate Math

Okay, one of my coworkers sent me this, & I thought it was cool:


It takes less than a minute ....
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!


1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would ! like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755 .... If
you haven't, add 1754.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number .


The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week). The next two numbers are . . .

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

So, I tried this using 5 and 7 as starting numbers, and it worked out both times. The email also said that 2005 was the only year that this would work, but I'm not sure why. Any thoughts?